God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
