The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
