Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think my moral compass just broke
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
