After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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