so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
