I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
