i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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