You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
