I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
