I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My penis needs a shock collar
Randomize
