remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
