You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
