Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
