I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
