bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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