That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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