Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just forgot I was standing up.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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