And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
