I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
