I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
