Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
