I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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