Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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