Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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