Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
