Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
