why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
