It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
