he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
