??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My hand turned me down
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize