I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
