Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can you bring me the toilet please
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize