If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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