well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
