sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
