according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
