No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
