I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize