Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
