Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
