remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
