Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
