When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I stole a fireplace last night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize