My underwear smells like fireworks.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
