Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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