I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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