To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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