even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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