So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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