I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
