That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
