So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
