She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
two words...techno handjob
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
