I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
