He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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