I need help removing her.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
