brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
wow bdsm is so cute
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
