I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
