tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
