So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
