Jerry, you need to find god
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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