That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize