I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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