By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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