Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
