he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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