Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
