Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
