I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
