I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
