This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
