Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
