It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
