Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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