who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
