the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
