sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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