I can text with my tongue
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
