Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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