I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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