I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
