Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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