During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
