His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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