You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
