My nipple is on Facebook.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Boobs are out for the taking
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize