I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just want nice things and good sex
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
