so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
