Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
