Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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