the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
