$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize