we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
FUCK WHALES
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
