This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize