even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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