There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
