I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
