there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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