new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
