They should really pass out barf bags in church
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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