every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
