After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
