im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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