The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
