She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
