Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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