Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
