I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
