At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize