Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize