Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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