I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
