She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
