I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
