My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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