I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i think i have two assholes
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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