How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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