He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize